My my my

I am trying so hard in my life to get it right. What in the hell am I doing wrong? I am so confused, distraught and Jesus.......wtf. I am so easily hurt and I take every thing to heart. I am always looking for the negative. I know that I expect it. The negative part of people has been the only thing that has never failed me. It is the most hurtful and harmful. I am always asking myself how I am supposed to move on and help myself heal. I have taken up praying with a rosary now. Geraldine has given me one as a gift. One that was blessed by Pope John Paul II. I do cherish it. She has given me several booklets that have the prayers in them and what I need to know about praying with the rosary. I have seriously considered converting to cathalolisim. It seems so loving, structured, healing, faithful, just every thing that I need right now and forever. What is going on with me? I am nearly 40 years and need to heal soon!!!!! I need to be whole, I need to be normal. Jeezzzzz what is normal? I am filetelling like a fish out of water, desperate for something that I can't reach.