Today I accepted a job with St. Johns Hospital. It pays well, however, it is only a contingent position. Hopefully I will get plenty of hours. I need them....as much as I can get. Hopefully I get the other job as well. I will accept it and have to let the first two go. I am trying to climb out of a financial rut. After being fired from my police job life has been so depressing that I have just wanted to give up. Getting the job at the hospital was a good feeling. I will be across from Bell Isle so it should keep me very busy.

I really don't want to give up my job with Geraldine. She has been such an inspiration to me. I really love my time with her and Mikey. (42 year old man with down syndrome) There is such an innocence to him, yet he is so typical with his manhood. Sometimes I am like eeeewwwwwww. Geraldine is slowly loosing her eye sight. She has had problems walking and keeping her balance. I have also noted that she has been more stressed. She has even said herself that she is falling apart. I have not told her that I have taken a job. It would of only stressed her out even more today then she already was.

I will not feel bad for giving up my security job for the better jobs. There is no emotional attachment. I would assume that is the reason. That and the 32 hour weekends have gotten old. I feel exhausted.

As for me and my man. No human being should feel this inadequate. Not his fault. I have always struggled with that emotion. However, he does feed into it. He told me that we are getting older and Ms. Right has not come his way. He no longer believes there is someone out there that is perfect for him so we mine as well get married. HMMMMMMMMMM!!!!!! I have been taken back by that one. If I felt a lot of inadequacy then I feel even more now. That is enough on that....I am even tired of that now.
Tracie