I have made such a mess of my relationship with my boyfriend. I must get my act together real quick. I have been trying to do so over the past two years and nothing I do is working. I get so worried and panic when I think my boyfriend is talking to an ex and they buy him gifts. Maybe I should but he hasn't given me any reason not to trust him. We both are almost 40 years old and its time to quit the bullhit. What am I doing to him and my self. I do not know what is wrong with me and why can't I get myself together. I am loosing control of my emotions and I am afraid of loosing another man to my innability to trust or have faith. I don't like myself anymore and feel he does not like me either. Why am I like this? I need help!!!! I don't have insurance for mental care health nor do I have have it for prescriptions. The State says I make to much for any type of assistance and I can barely pay my rent. What the hell is going on? What do I do. I feel like giving up and..........disappear! No suicide shit!!!!! Thats not for me. God will call upon me when it is my time. I just feel if I left and never returned it would make everyones life so much better. I'm thinking another country all together. Just get lost. Go where no one knows me. I am tired and I need help.
Tracie
2 comments:
Find a way to work out every day - either at your college's gym or a public place outside where other people will be running or walking. The exercise and the presence of other people will helps keep depression at bay and will make you look better. This, of course, will help your self-esteem.
Keep a bottle of Benedryl on hand for when you feel panic is setting in and making you think (and probably say) destructive things. Stress and exhaustion can result in pattern of anxiety, and this pattern can be broken. The Benedryl is cheap and just a spoonful takes the edge off. Eventually, exercise alone will be all you need, but this will help you get over the hump.
Finally, if you can't help but be jealous, then see if you can spin it to your advantage by being the best one out there for your boyfriend. Treat it like a competition. I mean, you are a police officer, so you must have a bit of fire in your belly. You said yourself you have no reason to think he has crossed any line, so where is the harm in putting yourself in this frame of mind?
If you can get started on this, you will end up feeling better and looking better. Who knows maybe you will meet someone else with whom things click better, decide that you really don't need anyone anyway, or be able to relax around the guy you already have.
You don't need a shrink. You need oxygen and whatever sunshine you can squeeze out of northern winter sky.
Thanks.....I did not even know that someone had left me a comment. That shows you that I am new to the blogger thing. Well now that it is 5 months later I will still try your suggestions. It sounds good to me. As you can see not much has changed and something has to.
Tracie
Post a Comment