My boyfriend and I have not been getting along at all. I push him away, so he says, a I have endured the blame for all that is wrong with this relationship. However, I don't need to be on any medication to know that this is not all my fault. He does his fair share of breaking this relationship down as well! He doesn't know I know about these other women. One that he says is only a friend of the family. Just a friend of the family my ass!!!! He must think I am stupid and that I would believe every thing he says. Then he has the nerve to try to flip the script and tell me I he believes I had an affair with my ex and his wife. You know what, I would be so upset by the end that I couldn't even stop to think that he was deflecting the attention away from who he is and what he is doing and putting it all on me. I know that all of his accusations are untrue, however, I know that mine are correct. Whether he tells his friend Dan (best friend) the whole story remains to be seen, however, that is not my cross to bare or worry about. I look forward to getting the rest of my counseling and living a more healthy life style with good nutritious food that has been known to fight depression and anxiety and the natural herb method.
One of my sisters owns a nature store and sells these vitamins and supplements. She has her family on them and I am looking to join in. I am not going to let this man make me crazy either. He says if this relationship were to end I would feel so bad that I lost a nice guy and would want him back. I think he is full of SHIT!!!!! Nice guys that love their girlfriends don't have sexual conversations with other women and entertain their come on's and meet up with them for sex. Nice guys don't try to flip the script when they have been caught only to drive the girlfriend into more of a depression. Nice guys don't blame their girlfriends for their inability to stay faithful and continue in the same relationship that he says made him unhappy and stray in the first place. He is not so much a nice guy! Not like he thinks he is. Why would you keep a relationship then? I know...I know....I ask myself the same question all the time. I know I am not emotionally ready to leave, and it may be a while before I do. However, that is what the counseling is for and all the self help work I am doing. I will get there and he will be left alone to wallow in his mess of women!!!!!!!!
I am reaching that point more so every day and feel ok with it. I am not afraid to be alone and do not need man to validate who I am. I don't want to say that men can kiss my ass, however, they can just stay away from me for now. I am not interested in a relationship of any kind, not even friendship at this point. Yeah I have to go through my angry stage and forgive. That will pass as well.
I am done complaining now........hopefully I will have a bit more positive things to say the next time. This whole blog is depressing, I really must focus on something positive. That will be my new goal for my next post.
